a homecoming of sorts

it seems no matter how often i update this blog, i never seem to know quite how to begin my posts. i feel the need to be witty and clever, but when it comes down to it, i can't seem to muster up anything that feels just right. so i settle for qualifications. apparently i have to explain away my lack of wit in hopes that my futile explanation might serve my original intention. it's quite the cycle. that introduction was a bit ridiculous...i do apologize. i wanted to begin this sentence with the word "anyway". that is simply not allowed. beginning a sentence with "anyway" makes me not only feel unoriginal, but also uneducated. it's almost as bad as beginning a sentence with "and"...perhaps not so grammatically incorrect, but just as immature (right mom?). it's funny how long i can rant about silly things like grammar. all of that hoopla...and for what? to begin writing to my nonexistent readers? having a blog provides a much needed dose of humility when you really think about it. i start to feel prideful at times, thinking that my thoughts are really worthy to be read (metacognition anyone?)...and then i realize that my mom is the only one that reads my blog and i'm brought right back to where i need to be. oh how i love being forced into self-awareness. i guess this one's for you mom!

a blog post can really be about anything...random thoughts, life narration, or whatever you like. this one, i suppose, needs to be about what i've recently discovered. i came home today from a week long trip to chicago. i had never been before this trip, and was very excited to see the city. i went for a conference, but did almost every touristy thing there is to do. as is customary for any vacation, i ate and drank basically the entire time. at this point, i can't fathom ever having another ounce of alcohol. what's funny, is that there was never a point of sheer drunkenness...we just seemed to always be drinking. it's like the city ran out of water or something, so anytime we needed something to drink, it had vodka in it. that makes me sound awful...if only my prude 18 year old self could see me now...how ashamed and judgmental she'd be!

we definitely lived it up in chi-town. it was a grand time and i could not imagine a more fun week. i realized something while i was there though, that i feel is worth sharing. it's quite monumental. it was friday night and i was sitting in a local movie theatre, wearing my 3D glasses, and watching alice in wonderland, that i realized i was ready to come home. to be perfectly honest, i have never wanted to come home from a vacation. i've always been the girl with a love for traveling (still am), and a need to be on the go. i have never really been able to sit still for too long. i feel alive when i get to experience new things, new people, and new places. that all sounds relatively wonderful, but it came with a downside to be sure. that is, i've never felt content to just be at home. i guess i've always lived my life waiting for the next best thing...always looking forward to experiencing something else, something new. i would get super anxious if i was ever in the same place for too long. i guess i'm still quite like that, but i've realized that i truly enjoy where i am now. i absolutely love my life. i'm so thankful for the people in it and the season i am in. once i thought about home on friday, i really couldn't get here fast enough. i love my city and believe so strongly that my God is doing a great work here in austin. i'm so thankful that despite my unwillingness and rebellion, that my Lord chooses to continually pursue me and beckon my heart back to His. He has shown His love for me in his constant pursuit and unconditional forgiveness and redemption. i seem to be so good and failing to live my life in a way that pleases Him, yet He loves me just the same and rejoices when i return to Him. as undeserving as my flesh is, my heart and soul have been redeemed by the only One worthy to redeem...and how eternally blessed i am. i guess that's a pretty great realization to have. it's weird though...as much as i have felt like i've known those truths forever, i'm reminded with such a newness that i can't help but share. i pray that you would all experience this newness of life that is so freely offered by Christ. it's unexplainable.

sono contenta.