unworthy

well i decided to start a blog, obviously. you are reading my first attempt at "blogging," as they say. my mom will now have something else to entertain her while my dad and brother lose brain cells playing call of duty. (i tried to learn how to play...i fell asleep.) so here i am. some of you might not know this, but i am going to florence, italy this summer for 7 weeks with campus crusade for christ. my goal for this summer is to share the truth of the gospel of christ with italian college students. what an opportunity. that is, in fact, the reason for this blog.

i don't really know what i want the purpose of this blog to be. my hope is that i will be able to share what the lord is teaching me through the process of raising support for the trip, what i learn and how he blesses me while i am on the trip (yes, i will be updating frequently!), and everything that comes afterward. i honestly don't know who will read this or if anyone but my mom actually will, but i know that the lord has much in store for me and i know it should be shared. thus, the blog is formed. :)

right now i am in the beginning stages of raising support. this just means that i am prayerfully waiting for the lord to provide the necessary finances. this trip costs roughly $5000 to participate in and at this moment, i have $360. as this may seem like nothing at all compared to my final goal, i have already been amazed at my insufficient confidence in our sovereign lord. here's a little story...

about 3 weeks ago i found out that i was officially invited to participate in the trip. i got a packet with the information about the different support goals, basically when certain amounts of money need to be turned in. my first support goal was $200 and it was due by february 19th. now, i have been praying about the opportunity to go on this trip for a very long time, including praying that the lord would provide the money to go. however, when i found out that the first support goal was so soon, i got a little freaked out. i lost my confidence and fell into the oh-so-easy temptation of doubting what my god can do. so one day about 2 weeks ago, this particular struggle seemed to be more intense than it had initially. so i prayed. i've learned in the past few years the magnitude of the power of prayer and how most of the time, it's the only thing i know how to do. so i did. i prayed that the lord would help my unbelief, my unbelief in his sovereignty over my circumstances and his ability to overcome my insufficiencies. literally 15 minutes later i got a message from a friend asking me to come by a little later to pick something up. i thought that it was probably a check because i had set up a facebook group a little earlier letting my friends know about my trip and explaining my need for some support. so i thought it was a check, yes, but seeing as how all of my friends are poor college students, i did not think it would be much. however much it was, though, i would be truly grateful because every amount definitely helps. well, it ended up being a check for $200. i was shocked that someone cared that much to support me in that way. he said that he wanted to pass on what the lord had blessed him with. once again, my tiny human brain was not able to comprehend the power of my amazing god. he provided my first support goal in its entirety on the same day that my doubt had reached its highest point.

amazed again by my god. my god that i cannot comprehend.

this song has blessed my heart more than i can say and it describes what i am trying to say better than i can.

[Lord these are just words
They are not enough to proclaim you
Jesus just words
They can never suffice to acclaim you

Father just words
And I have so few
I run out to fast
To speak them to you

And you are indescribable
You are beyond expression
And I run out of words for you
I can't think that high
So hear my spirit groan in me
A painful sense of urgency
To tell you that you are to me so high]

i guess this post is long enough...congrats if you made it all the way through.