ciao amici

words

2011-02-23T09:11:00.003-06:00

so here we are. as you may have noticed, i haven't blogged in a while. my intention to reap with you all did not go the way i planned. i found that instead of sharing my thoughts and what the lord was teaching me through his word, i began to focus more on how i thought you may perceive what i was saying. my so called "transparency" became the opposite, as it so often does.

that being said, i'd like to continue my blog as i had before...as an avenue through which i might share a few tidbits of my life, my thoughts, my ramblings...whatever. today i wanted to share something my friend emily shared with our missional community. we've been discussing service and what that looks like for us as a group. she shared an exerpt from "my utmost for his highest" by oswald chambers.

here's the exerpt:

The Determination to Serve
The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve . . .—Matthew 20:28

Jesus also said, “Yet I am among you as the One who serves” (Luke 22:27). Paul’s idea of service was the same as our Lord’s— “. . . ourselves your bondservants for Jesus’ sake” (2 Corinthians 4:5). We somehow have the idea that a person called to the ministry is called to be different and above other people. But according to Jesus Christ, he is called to be a “doormat” for others— called to be their spiritual leader, but never their superior. Paul said, “I know how to be abased . . .” (Philippians 4:12). Paul’s idea of service was to pour his life out to the last drop for others. And whether he received praise or blame made no difference. As long as there was one human being who did not know Jesus, Paul felt a debt of service to that person until he did come to know Him. But the chief motivation behind Paul’s service was not love for others but love for his Lord. If our devotion is to the cause of humanity, we will be quickly defeated and broken-hearted, since we will often be confronted with a great deal of ingratitude from other people. But if we are motivated by our love for God, no amount of ingratitude will be able to hinder us from serving one another.

Paul’s understanding of how Christ had dealt with him is the secret behind his determination to serve others. “I was formerly a blasphemer, a persecutor, and an insolent man . . .” (1 Timothy 1:13). In other words, no matter how badly others may have treated Paul, they could never have treated him with the same degree of spite and hatred with which he had treated Jesus Christ. Once we realize that Jesus has served us even to the depths of our meagerness, our selfishness, and our sin, nothing we encounter from others will be able to exhaust our determination to serve others for His sake.

i had an interesting thought when i saw the title of the passage. i guess i have a thing for words...maybe it's my secret desire to be a writer or something, but they fascinate me. determination. this word means a few things to me. the first is obvious i guess. determination could describe a work ethic, or the way in which you resolve to pursue something. one definition that i love is "the quality of being resolute". these definitions are appropriate, i think, when understanding the importance of service in the christian life, and the weight of the responsibility. one definition, however, that i think explains what Paul is talking about, would be this, "a fixed purpose or intention". but this purpose does not come to be on it's own...it is born out of something. and by being fixed, it is most assuredly unwavering. this intentional purpose, if you will, is to serve others because in doing so, we serve our King. "Once we realize that Jesus has served us even to the depths of our meagerness, our selfishness, and our sin, nothing we encounter from others will be able to exhaust our determination to serve others for His sake." seems pretty simple, doesn't it? hmmm.

just some thoughts...and as always, i'm not even sure they make sense.

ma, per ora, buon giorno.

lift my head

2011-01-04T08:11:00.003-06:00

buona mattina! that means good morning :) i hope you are all having a good morning today...i'm definitely trying. i will admit that i am extremely tired today. yesterday was a full day and when combined with my silly idea to work out extra hard, the end product was hair in a bun and involuntary closing of my eyes for the majority of the day. oye. that being said, i am a big believer in choices overcoming circumstances, so today, i am choosing not only to stay awake, but to be productive. however, first thing's first.

day 4

psalm 3
genesis 4
1 chronicles 4
luke 2:1-21

let me just start out by being very honest. 1 chronicles isn't doing much for my sleepiness this morning. i'm trying really hard to not just skim over all of the names in the genealogies because i know they are important, but the involuntary closing of my eyes is increasing by the minute.

i'm going to just share a bit about psalm 3. verses 3 and 4 strike a certain chord in my heart that feels reminiscent of my childhood. david is speaking of his many enemies and how the lord is his shield and his protecter. psalm 3:3-4 says, "But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head. I cried aloud to the Lord, and he answered me from his holy hill. Selah." what strikes me most in these verses is when david refers to the lord as the "lifter of my head". i know that this can probably be interpreted as a metaphor for the lord cheering david up when he is down, or restoring his confidence or position, or whatever, but i really like the picture it paints. i think about when i was little and how when i got in trouble or did something wrong, or was just sad, it was the hardest thing in the world to look my dad in the eye. there was something about the way he looked at me that would just completely melt my heart. i picture fathers all around the world trying to attain their child's gaze and the need to physically lift their heads. i picture them putting their finger underneath their child's chin and lifting their head so that they might see their face. there is something humbling about being on the other side of that, but there is also something restorative. i think david might have been referring to the lord as the lifter of his head in this sense too. in the midst of destruction and fearing for his life, god lifts his head so that their eyes might meet and assures him of his power and love. i pray that i wouldn't try to avoid the lord's gaze, but be lifted up to meet him. he does that so often. i would so like to admit that i am the first to run to him when i've failed or when i'm scared, but i tend to retreat. like any good 21st century woman, i have it under control. or so i say to fool myself and everyone else. the lord is forced to grab me by the chin and make me look at him, that with that one action, i might see the grace and sovereignty in his eyes. thank you lord.

rulers, prophets, and mutism

2011-01-03T14:19:00.003-06:00

hello everyone! i hope you are all having a tremendous day today. i am trying to. :) today is my first day back at work after a lovely two week break, and i would be lying if i said i didn't want to throw my alarm across the room this morning when it went off at 6am. two days ago, i was sleeping until noon...it was blissful. but here we are. monday. sigh. i couldn't think of a better way to spend my lunch today (albeit at 2pm) than with the lord and his word, and with you. feel special...i dare you.

day 3 (because yesterday was really day 2)

psalm 2
genesis 3
1 chronicles 3
luke 1:57-80

psalm 2 describes something that i think is a pretty hot topic. it describes the lord's sovereignty over the rulers of this earth and their lack of respect for his authority. he warns them of their fate if they continue to ignore him. a key passage here would be verses 10-12 which says, "Now therefore, O kings, be wise; be warned, O rulers of the earth. Serve the Lord with fear, and rejoice with trembling. Kiss the Son, lest he be angry, and you perish in the way, for his wrath is quickly kindled. Blessed are all who take refuge in him." this makes me nostalgic and fearful at the same time. i think about how our country was built by god-fearing men that desired a country in service to the true king. then i think about our country now, one that is "accepting" of all religions, and at the same time, tries to snuff out any hint of christianity creeping into our government. this is terribly disheartening. the warning from the lord is not an empty one. i long for the day when there will only be one ruler, in heaven and on earth. until then, i would urge you to pray with me for those that god has chosen to lead us now. pray that they would seek his will for our country and for our people. for those that have not been called to faith, i pray that they would be, and that the lord would do a mighty work in and through them. i think about esther, how she was placed in her position "for such a time as this" (esther 4:14). i also think about the fathers out there. yes, we have a president, and a government to rule over us, but we also have men that rule over their families. would it be too far reaching to apply this text to them as well? are they not also called to leadership? they too, are called to serve the lord with fear and rejoice with trembling. i pray often for the men i know, those that are fathers and those that might be some day, that they would fight for this privilege the lord has bestowed on them, to rule over their families, to lead them, and to take refuge in the lord.

i'll also share with you some of my thoughts on luke 1:57-80. john the baptist is born! the prophet of the most high. the passage begins with his birth and describes the time when john was to be named. elizabeth said his name was to be john. when everyone questioned this, and asked his father, zechariah also said that his name should be john, and not zechariah, after himself. well, that's not exactly true. zechariah didn't say anything. he couldn't talk because when gabriel told him about the future birth of his son, he didn't believe him. due to his unbelief, zechariah was to be unable to speak until the birth of his son. so when asked about the name, zechariah wrote it on a tablet. his name was to be john because that is what the lord commanded. when zechariah confirmed that the baby was to be named john, his mouth was opened and he was able to talk. the part of the passage i like most, besides the fulfillment of prophesy and birth of the predecessor to our savior, of course, is zechariah's reaction. i tried to put myself in his shoes. i have no idea how i would act once i was able to speak again. i would hope my reaction would be the same. do you know what the first thing he did was? the scripture says he blessed god. sidenote: this phrase has always seemed weird to me. the thought of blessing god when god is the one we typically think of as giving blessings. but shouldn't it really be the other way around? should god not receive all blessing and honor? he is the only one worthy. back to the point: after receiving the consequence of silence for so long, the first thing he did was praise god. i also wonder about the "consequence" as i've just titled it. it seems from the text (earlier in luke 1), that zechariah's speech was taken away because of his unbelief (v. 20), but i think there might be more to it. wouldn't it make sense that yes, zechariah was handed this consequence as a result of his actions, but also that the circumstances surrounding john's birth would be more wonderful with the restoration of zechariah's speech? i don't know if that's true, but think about it. his speech was restored at the fulfillment of the prophecy and he immediately blesses god and then continues by prophesying about the coming of jesus, whom his son would eventually introduce! pretty cool if you ask me. the restoration of his speech got the people's attention long enough for them to hear what john's purpose would be, to go before jesus, the one who would save them. i want to clarify that i am just thinking out loud about what i've read. if anyone disagrees, please feel free to point me in the right direction!

so those are my thoughts for today. i must say, this is an interesting way of "reaping" for me. to think that other people might be reading this is a bit terrifying. on the other hand, it has already opened opportunities for discussion, so i think i'm going to stick with it for the time being.

again, have a lovely day. fino a domani...

un nuovo anno

2011-01-02T12:07:00.004-06:00

hello friends. i've decided to change things up a bit this year on my blog. i need a better way of journaling, so this is going to be it. that being said, it might get a little personal. that's alright though. i believe in being transparent. i believe in letting others learn and grow from your experiences. so here we go. to begin, i wanted to share with you my new year's resolution. i was talking with a friend about resolutions and about how we should really be careful when making them. most people automatically think about things they want to do or change about themselves, and don't think to ask the lord if those things are what he wants for them or not. it is important to bring everything before the lord, but i think especially those things on which we place so much importance and pressure, like resolutions. i had it easy though. my new year's resolution is to spend time in the word every single day. that is something that i have really struggled with this year. it was hard for me to transition to an entirely new routine when i started my job, and learning when and where to stop everything and be with the lord was difficult for me. i really want to reflect on his word too, and understand its meaning and its application for my life. that's where this handy dandy blog comes into play. yes, i will still use it for random posts, but i'd like to share what i'm learning from the lord each day with you. i will be following the bible reading plan from the stone (all 4), so please feel free to learn and grow with me! the reading plan started yesterday, but blogging will commence today.

day 1 - psalm 1, genesis 2, 1 chronicles 2, luke 1:26-56

it's absolutely amazing to me how the lord chooses to speak in this plan. when you read from different parts of the bible, it is hard to see exactly how things are connected, but reading the bible like this really puts it all in perspective. psalm 1 talks about delighting in the law of the lord and fleeing from the ways of the wicked. it says that those that do are like trees planted by the river, their work always prospers, and that the wicked will perish. i feel like when i read this kind of passage, i tend to breeze through it...i mean, there isn't really anything mind-blowing in it. but if i look closer, i realize that i am called to delight in the law. i know, however, that because of christ, i am no longer saved by the law, but by his blood. but i am still to delight in the law. because of christ, i am free from the law, but delight in it because it is good. the law serves to aid in our sanctification. we should delight in it as a command of the lord and follow it out of an overflow of our devotion to God because of his saving grace. furthermore, psalm 1 says to meditate on the law day and night, which leads to strength and prosperity. isn't that what sanctification is? the definition of sanctification is the process of setting something apart, or making it holy. by meditating on the law day and night and delighting in it, i become more like christ.

i'm not going to share my thoughts on each section, but i'll provide a brief synopsis for those following along. genesis 2 begins with the seventh day of creation, on which God rested from his work. this day was made holy because it was a day of rest. this is something i am still learning to model. for as long as i can remember, my sabbath day has been filled with homework. that is the opposite of resting. i learned that the sabbath day is not only meant for physical rest, but for reflection on how the lord has provided and blessed me. with the lord's help, i am trying to "sanctify" that day intentionally...to set it apart and keep it holy. genesis 2 continues with the creation of man and woman and outlines their roles in creation. 1 chronicles 2 continues the outline of genealogy from abraham to david.

luke 1:26-56 begins with the angel gabriel's announcement to mary that she will carry and give birth to the son of God, to jesus. this is another story that i've read too many times to count, but that has new meaning for me today. when i read it, i was struck by mary's excitement. for some reason, i've never thought about that before. maybe it is because of all the pictures of mary looking so calm and collected, but goodness, it makes a lot more sense that she'd be freaking out. this passage talks about how after she found out, she went to visit elizabeth, and they freaked out together! elizabeth told mary that even john (the baptist) leaped for joy in her womb when mary told her the news! with the christmas season just behind us, the story of jesus' birth is fresh on my mind, but this story of what happened in preparation, is so sweet. i love the thought of the two women being giggly and overwhelmed with joy. forget about the serene nativity scene...it was time to party! i'll leave you with the last thing i read. this is mary's proclamation of joy to the lord:

luke 1:46-55

"And Mary said,“My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has looked on the humble estate of his servant. For behold, from now on all generations will call me blessed; for he who is mighty has done great things for me,
and holy is his name. And his mercy is for those who fear him from generation to generation. He has shown strength with his arm; he has scattered the proud in the thoughts of their hearts; he has brought down the mighty from their thrones and exalted those of humble estate; he has filled the hungry with good things, and the rich he has sent away empty. He has helped his servant Israel, in remembrance of his mercy, as he spoke to our fathers, to Abraham and to his offspring forever.”

to take a line from kidsjam: and all God's children said, "AMEN!"

filling in the cracks

2010-07-01T23:20:00.006-05:00

so here we are. it's been a while, i must say. i was reminded today, that i indeed have a blog. that's funny that one could forget something like that. when i was reminded, i decided to read a few of my previous posts. wow. i am constantly amazed at how far you can come in mere months of growth. speaking of growth. i think i'd like to discuss something directly related to the subject...for those that follow Jesus at least. the topic of choice for tonight is accountability.

accountability. what is accountability, you ask? well lucky for you, i just so happen to be equipped with this amazing technology called the internet. the internet says that accountability is the state of being accountable, liable, or answerable. i like this. or at least i think i like this. what does it really mean to be answerable. this must be connected in the most basic way to an action...what can you be answerable for, if not something that you've done? and if you are to be answerable for something you've done, must you not be answerable to someone else? this seems to me to be the very heart of accountability: that you must tell someone what you've done. simple enough, yet so very difficult to implement.

as a follower of Jesus Christ, we are called to live a life in which the deepest parts of ourselves are exposed to the light. terrifying as it seems, it is in this vulnerable state that we allow Jesus to show us his redemption and his desire to fill in all of our cracks...even those we refuse to admit exist. we've been talking a lot recently about what accountability really looks like in the context of our lives. it can't just be a theory, or something that we consistently talk about and hash out in every way imaginable, but never actually do! so needless to say, i've experienced some "doing" lately, and let me just say, wow. how sweet it is. to be able to share all of the (for lack of a better word) crap in my life with such a good friend and have her encourage me and pray for me...it's just amazing. i feel so blessed to have a relationship in which i feel so safe. who would have thought that after experiencing some intense shame after a period of sin, i would want to tell someone. there are so many times when i want to run as fast as my awkwardly long legs will carry me away from anything that might expose my less-than-perfect parts. i guess that just speaks to how, in his amazing grace, Jesus can change my heart. he comes in when i least expect it, and overhauls my tiny mind's ability to comprehend that maybe, just maybe, what he has for me is best. i heard someone say once, that it is a cosmic impossibility for God to be any less good to me than he is right now. why is it so hard to cling to this? to really believe? Lord, help my unbelief! i'm so amazed that he continues to work in me even when i don't believe. that's a good thing too, because if it weren't true, i'm not sure he'd ever work in me!

so i guess that's it. accountability is a sweet thing. sin confession sucks, but it's so vital. it's exposing and vulnerable. it's icky. but redemption is good. i pray that you try it. i pray that you can find someone that will reciprocate. Lord, haste the day when this isn't necessary...but help us seek your way to live while it is.

buono notte i miei amici. baci!

grace

2010-03-12T01:27:00.002-06:00

i am amazed tonight, by the perfection in the timing of my God. i have had a rather unfortunate experience recently that i will not divulge, but the grace and peace i have experienced throughout are more than worthy of being shared. it is hard to even explain, but i have been so blessed to have recently experienced such direct answers to my prayers and the prayers of those that love me. i feel so showered by my Savior's love for me and i pray that you would get to experience this...it is incomparable. the combination of teaching, growth, grace, peace, and joy is just ridiculous. i just wanted to share that Jesus is Lord and He is GOOD! i pray that you would know Him. i pray that you would love Him. i pray that you would let Him.

il suo amore resiste a per sempre.

a homecoming of sorts

2010-03-07T15:45:00.005-06:00

it seems no matter how often i update this blog, i never seem to know quite how to begin my posts. i feel the need to be witty and clever, but when it comes down to it, i can't seem to muster up anything that feels just right. so i settle for qualifications. apparently i have to explain away my lack of wit in hopes that my futile explanation might serve my original intention. it's quite the cycle. that introduction was a bit ridiculous...i do apologize. i wanted to begin this sentence with the word "anyway". that is simply not allowed. beginning a sentence with "anyway" makes me not only feel unoriginal, but also uneducated. it's almost as bad as beginning a sentence with "and"...perhaps not so grammatically incorrect, but just as immature (right mom?). it's funny how long i can rant about silly things like grammar. all of that hoopla...and for what? to begin writing to my nonexistent readers? having a blog provides a much needed dose of humility when you really think about it. i start to feel prideful at times, thinking that my thoughts are really worthy to be read (metacognition anyone?)...and then i realize that my mom is the only one that reads my blog and i'm brought right back to where i need to be. oh how i love being forced into self-awareness. i guess this one's for you mom!

a blog post can really be about anything...random thoughts, life narration, or whatever you like. this one, i suppose, needs to be about what i've recently discovered. i came home today from a week long trip to chicago. i had never been before this trip, and was very excited to see the city. i went for a conference, but did almost every touristy thing there is to do. as is customary for any vacation, i ate and drank basically the entire time. at this point, i can't fathom ever having another ounce of alcohol. what's funny, is that there was never a point of sheer drunkenness...we just seemed to always be drinking. it's like the city ran out of water or something, so anytime we needed something to drink, it had vodka in it. that makes me sound awful...if only my prude 18 year old self could see me now...how ashamed and judgmental she'd be!

we definitely lived it up in chi-town. it was a grand time and i could not imagine a more fun week. i realized something while i was there though, that i feel is worth sharing. it's quite monumental. it was friday night and i was sitting in a local movie theatre, wearing my 3D glasses, and watching alice in wonderland, that i realized i was ready to come home. to be perfectly honest, i have never wanted to come home from a vacation. i've always been the girl with a love for traveling (still am), and a need to be on the go. i have never really been able to sit still for too long. i feel alive when i get to experience new things, new people, and new places. that all sounds relatively wonderful, but it came with a downside to be sure. that is, i've never felt content to just be at home. i guess i've always lived my life waiting for the next best thing...always looking forward to experiencing something else, something new. i would get super anxious if i was ever in the same place for too long. i guess i'm still quite like that, but i've realized that i truly enjoy where i am now. i absolutely love my life. i'm so thankful for the people in it and the season i am in. once i thought about home on friday, i really couldn't get here fast enough. i love my city and believe so strongly that my God is doing a great work here in austin. i'm so thankful that despite my unwillingness and rebellion, that my Lord chooses to continually pursue me and beckon my heart back to His. He has shown His love for me in his constant pursuit and unconditional forgiveness and redemption. i seem to be so good and failing to live my life in a way that pleases Him, yet He loves me just the same and rejoices when i return to Him. as undeserving as my flesh is, my heart and soul have been redeemed by the only One worthy to redeem...and how eternally blessed i am. i guess that's a pretty great realization to have. it's weird though...as much as i have felt like i've known those truths forever, i'm reminded with such a newness that i can't help but share. i pray that you would all experience this newness of life that is so freely offered by Christ. it's unexplainable.

sono contenta.

blog adultery

2009-12-09T23:37:00.002-06:00

so it has come to my attention that people do actually read this. wow. i stopped blogging for a bit because some friends of mine decided to start a little community blog together. so i've been posting on that. after checking on it everyday for the last few weeks though, i've realized that kate and i are the only ones writing anything, and also, it's apparently supposed to be private. so here i am again. i want to post something i put on there because it's pretty funny and provides some lovely insight into the inner workings of the savens family.

i call this one thanksgiving savens style.

thanksgiving with the savens this year was tradition at its finest. our thanksgiving routine has changed a bit in the last few years due to house sizes and sibling arguments, but this year was great. the final count this year was 30…we must be crazy i guess. all 30 of us were packed in my grandparents’ house…and when i say packed, i really mean it. some of you have been to my grandparents house, and it is not that big…and definitely not 30 people big. but like i said, it was great. we had a few family members drive in from st. louis, which was great because it had been about eight years since we had seen them. everyone arrived around 4 or so, at which time the champagne was popped and the appetizers were rolled out. this year we had chips and salsa (it is texas after all), a ginormous cheese ball with an assortment of crackers, and deviled eggs (a traditional dish for us that i have yet to partake from . everyone hangs out for a few hours, chatting and watching football, eating appetizers, and drinking…a lot. that’s one thing that the savens do quite well. as everyone is catching up, making jokes, teasing everyone (especially leah and i…the only aggies of the family), and having a good time, my grandma and my aunt are in the kitchen putting the last minute finishing touches on all the food. we have a lot of food. i mean, it’s a bit ridiculous. this year we had 2 fifteen pound turkeys and a turduckin (this was a first for us). we had a honey ham, 3 crockpots full of mashed potatoes, mashed sweet potatoes covered in pecans, broccoli and cauliflower casserole, homemade gravy (my personal favorite), collared greens, broccoli and cauliflower “sunny” salad (bryan’s favorite), and a couple more casseroles that i was too full to eat. and of course, the dessert, we had our famous pumpkin gooey butter cake, two pumpkin pies, and two cheese pies. needless to say, we had far too much food. before we all sat down to eat, all 30 of us gathered in the living room and stood in a circle holding hands. we do this circle prayer every time we get together, especially at thanksgiving. we go around the circle, starting with my grandma and say a prayer or what we are thankful for. this time is typically filled with jokes and tears, sincerity and silliness, and it’s wonderful. we end with my grandpa, who blesses the food…then it’s time to eat! we started eating around 7, which of course, was kickoff for the a&m-texas game, so some people sat at the tables we had set up, but we all migrated to the living room soon enough. the rest of the night consisted mostly of watching football and rubbing every a&m touchdown in everyone’s faces. we had a lovely time. thanksgiving with the savens is always an event. this year was one of the first times in about ten years that we had little ones running around again. bryan used to be the youngest, but we had new little ones this year, and i couldn’t have been happier. there is definitely something different about the atmosphere when babies are there i guess that is really it for the savens thanksgiving. it was a great time and now we just have to wait for christmas eve…believe it or not, we do it up bigger and better then! i hope everyone had a lovely time with family and i wish you all a happy thanksgiving!

so obviously that was a bit late, but i wanted to share it with you anyway. i hope you are all doing positively fabulous. and now i need to get back to the last bits of my school work for the semester. aww...procrastination.

buona notte...e ora, devo studiare!

looking back a bit

2009-11-15T22:08:00.004-06:00

since this is no longer primarily a blog about italy, i've decided to remove my support goals from the layout of this page. however, i think seeing the progression of how they were achieved is an amazing picture of the faithfulness and provision of our God...so i'll put them in this post!

Goal #1: $200 by February 19, 2008
Achieved February 7, 2008!

Goal #2: $1000 by March 23, 2008
(Total $1200)
Achieved March 22, 2008!

Goal #3: $1000 by April 11, 2008
(Total $2200)
Achieved March 31, 2008!

Goal #4: $1000 by May 1, 2008
(Total $3200)
Achieved April 11, 2008!

Goal #5: $2970 by May 18, 2008
(Total $617o)
Achieved May 17, 2008

isn't that amazing? it's just so great to see how perfectly God provided for me in a situation that required so much provision! sorry for a short post, but i'm sleepy! i have another big week ahead of me. prayer is much appreciated!

buona notte!

a different place

2009-11-14T10:43:00.004-06:00

today is november 14th. it has been almost a year and a half since i last posted anything on this blog. i thought when i came home from italy, i would continue my blog, but as it always does, life happened. i decided though, that i would like to start blogging again. i think it will be therapeutic for me to get my thoughts out there. i don't know if anyone will be reading anything that i write, but that's okay. this isn't for you anyway. :) just in case i do have some faithful followers, i guess i should bring everyone up to speed on where i am in life now. so many things have happened in the last year and a half that i don't really know where to begin or what is even important to share.

i guess the most overwhelming part of my life right now would have to be school. i am currently in my second year of graduate school, studying school psychology. right now i have three classes, i work at a middle school three days a week for practicum, and i work in the autism clinic that we have at school as part of my graduate assistant duties. and that's just the school part. it has definitely been challenging trying to juggle everything on my plate...especially when the plate is completely filled up by school...where does the rest of my life fit in? this has been something i have really struggled with in the last couple of months. don't get me wrong, i absolutely love my program and everything i get to do with it. i feel so honored that i get to make a real difference in the lives of children with disabilities. it makes me feel alive when i work with those kids. if i had my choice, i would probably be with kids in some capacity 24/7...who needs adult interaction anyway? well i guess that might be important.

as far as adult interaction goes, i'm happy to share that i have finally found a church home and an amazing community within it. i am a proud partner at the austin stone. i began attending this church in may of this year and joined as a partner at the end of the summer. i cannot tell you how blessed i feel to be a part of this body of believers. there are some really great things happening in the church right now and i'm so excited to be a part of it. i am blessed to get to hear the teachings of some wise and gifted men of God every week, and always feel so challenged and loved when i leave service. i've also been so blessed to be able to take a theology class through the stone. this semester we studied the truth of scripture, attributes of God, the trinity, the person of Jesus Christ and the work of Jesus Christ...we studied these in a way i never have before, and my eyes have been opened to just how much i don't know about my God. this is comforting in a way because i know he is so much bigger than i could ever imagine. i could (and will) search my entire life to know more about him...his love, his grace, his power, his wisdom, his perfection, his nature, his will, his provision...and i will never cease to learn something new about him. i'm so thankful that i serve the one true God...the God of creation, of the universe...the Savior of my heart and lover of my soul. how truly blessed i am! i've been able to see glimpses of the attributes that God has allowed his people to share with him through my new community group at the stone. i am involved in a group of about 15 or so single coeds that desire to live in community and on mission for God. i have just been amazed at how beautifully God orchestrated the group. i have been looking for this kind of genuine community for quite some time and think i have finally found it. praise God. i will keep you posted about our weekly gatherings, as i'm sure there will be much to share. i'll say this though, every week renews me. thank goodness.

i guess this post is long enough already, so i'll cut it off now. look for more posts, as i'm hoping to be pretty regular about this. now i'm off to clean my apartment and write some reports! a lovely saturday indeed. talk to you all soon.

ciao amici...yes, i will be continuing the use of my italian in this blog...i just love it too much :)

vi voglio bene.

a week at home

2008-07-05T20:54:00.028-05:00

hello friends! i apologize for my lateness in posting...i know mom has been eager for me to post pictures, so i guess you all are ready too. well i have been home a week and it honestly feels like a lot longer. it is really weird to transition to another way of life so abruptly. i will admit though, it is nice to be writing this blog from my own laptop and not from the stinky internet cafe. so i know you are all excited to see pictures, so here goes...i'll just start from the beginning and go from there!

this is the santa maria novella...we lived only a few meters down the road from this piazza and spent a lot of our time hanging out here...we did praise and worship on the steps of this church every sunday night.

this is a close up of the front of the duomo (the famous cathedral in florence)...it is so big that i never could get the whole thing in a picture!

this is the ponte vecchio...that means 'old bridge' in italian...it was built 1354. we learned that during ww2 when the nazis invaded germany, hitler gave a specific decree to keep this bridge intact. almost every night there were musicians performing on the ponte vecchio...during the day, it is filled with people shopping in the many jewelry shops that line the bridge.

this is the amazing view from the piazza di michelangelo...this is where i summer!

these are some of the girls from my team...thecla and ally...so beautiful! this is just a picture down by the river at night...i love florence at night!

this the view in fiesole, a little town right outside of florence (and one of my favorite places!)

some more girls on my team...jessica (in the middle) was my roommate!

we got to go to a soccer game too...italy vs. belgium....forze italia!

theresa and i in front of the duomo!

another amazing view of florence from fiesole...yep, i lived here!

there i am! i just love florence!

a view of florence from the top of the duomo....all 460 steps later!

this is eduardo and paola...you'll remember them from a previous post...please continue to pray for them!

my roommate, jessica, and i at the leaning tower of pisa!

ally and i at the piazza del campo in siena!

the duomo in siena!

another spectacular view of florence!

jonathan and i with our italian friends gisella and sara! i have talked a lot about gisella in previous posts!

this is where we debriefed...cinque terre!!

some of the girls decided to hike from one town in cinque terre to the next! this is my roommate, jessica, and i mid-hike!

the city we hiked to...vernazza!

adam and i with our favorite italian...cosimo!!! ive also talked about him a lot in previous posts.

this is the group that went to novoli every day! (half of our team)

these were our team leaders...toby and jessica vaughn!

and this is stephanie and i on the plane ride home...we are obviously sad to be leaving!

well there you go! those are just some of the pictures i took this summer...i ended up taking over 1000! i wasn't about to put all of those up, but if you want to see more, i put them all up on facebook! thank you all again for being so supportive of my trip this summer, and for praying the whole time. you cannot even imagine how crucial those prayers were. please continue to pray for my italian friends and the italian people in general. pray for their salvation! and don't stop!!

grazie mille i miei amici! ti voglio bene!

one more week

2008-06-20T12:39:00.002-05:00

ciao tutti! i am sorry to tell you that i have but one week left here in italy. i actually only have 3 days left in florence because we are going to cinque terre next week for our debriefing. i absolutely cannot believe that my time here (for now...) is almost finished. i guess time flies when you're having fun (or when you are telling people the most important message they'll ever hear...either one).

well yesterday officially marked the end of my ministry here. i am going to get to hang out with one of my italian friends one more time before i leave, but we aren't going to campus anymore and there will be no more initiations. i really am in awe of how much the Lord has done in and through our team this summer. the agape staff told us at the beginning of the summer that the Lord would do more in us individually than he would do through us, but i didn't believe them initially. i thought that there was no way i would be changed as much as people hearing the gospel for the first time would be...i was definitely wrong. i was talking to one of the stint girls last night about how i think the Lord has done so much in my heart this summer that i don't think i am even consciously aware of all of it. i cannot wait to come home and just process everything that the Lord has taught me. if i had to pick the biggest thing the Lord has taught me, i think it would be the importance of loving people. we are going through 1 peter as a team this summer, and in 1 peter 4:7, it says, "Above all, love each other earnestly, because love covers a multitude of sins." it has been so crucial for me to realize that the most important thing we can do as followers of Christ is to intentionally, purposefully, dilligently, and earnestly love everyone around us. Christ said that the world would know his followers by their love (john 13:35).

i cannot express in words the hopelessness and apathy i have witnessed in my time here. the italian people do not know love, they do not know hope, and they absolutely do not know Jesus. i know a lot of people wondered why i was going on a mission trip to italy...people think that italy is a christian country...i mean the pope lives here...really? but like i have said before, i think italy might be the most "lost" country in the world! people have completely missed the truth of Christ even though they have been around the church and religious teachings their entire lives. most italian students are angry at the melding of the church as an institution with political power and hate that the pope has so much power over their social lives and their personal decisions. so many students i have talked to think that religion should be a personal thing, and they are intrigued when i say that i have a personal relationship with Jesus, but because of the influence and impact of the catholic church, they cannot wrap their minds around the idea of freedom from the law through Christ. it is my hope that the seeds planted this summer would take root and they would be able to experience the freedom and bliss that comes from knowing Jesus as your Savior.

i know that i have so much more to say, but it is terribly difficult to put everything in words (and type them into an internet blog when i am sitting in a tiny, stinky room, probably contracting deadly diseases as we speak...or type i guess). i just ask that just because my time here is almost finished, that you would not cease praying for this country. it is my hope that my experience and my blog has opened some of your eyes to the need for the gospel in this country, in all of western europe, and all over the world. the reality is that italians need Jesus...more than anything. pray for them daily (1 thessalonians 5:17), and have confidence in the movement in this country. the Lord is moving mightily here and i know He longs to see reconciliation. the italian people will always have a special place in my heart, and i pray that they have creeped into yours as well. thank you so much for your support and prayers thus far...don't stop!

i love you all...arrivaderci mi amici!

xoxo...hayley

sorry for the delay!

2008-06-14T10:20:00.003-05:00

ciao amici! i am so so sorry it has been so long since i have posted last. i have no excuses but i think the biggest reason is that i am so tired at the end of each day that the last thing i feel like doing is sitting in front of a computer. i am sorry though, because i know how many of you support me and like to have specific things to pray for! so here i am finally!

so before i update you on my awesome new italian friends and how ministry is going, i thought i would be a little light-hearted to begin with. last weekend, our team got to go to pisa and lucca, two cities about an hour train ride away. i got to see the leaning tower in pisa and took pictures pretending to hold it up, being a touristy as possible. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leaning_Tower_of_Pisa) the tower was great, but there wasn't very much else to do in pisa, so we went to lucca, a small city about 20 minutes away. the city is not famous for much, but it is absolutely beautiful. we ate dinner at a little cafè and walked around the city. it was the epitome of a little tuscan town and i loved it! then, on monday, since it was a holiday here in florence, we didn't go to campus because no one was there. so instead, our team got to go to the duomo (http://www.duomofirenze.it/index-eng.htm) and we went up to the top! there are over 400 stairs to climb and they are tiny stone spiral staircases the entire way up. (mom...i don't think you'd like this too much!) once we got to the very top though, we got a 360 degree view of the entire city. it was beautiful! don't worry, i have tons of pictures!

yesterday, the team got to go to siena! siena is absolutely beautiful as well! it was really neat being there and seeing how different the cities are here. florence is definitely a buzzing metropolis, which i didn't fully realize until we went to siena. it is much smaller and and more compact (if that makes any sense). while we were there, we got to meet the summer project team that is serving there this summer. it was really great to learn how ministry is there, how it is really similar and so different at the same time. please be praying for the siena team, as they are in their last week of ministry as well!

today we got to do the one thing i have been looking forward to more than anything else...i finally got to see DAVID!!!!! (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_%28Michelangelo%29) words cannot express the reaction i had to the most famous sculpture in history. i was literally breathtaken...i caught myself holding my breath as i just stood there staring at it! michelangelo is the most talented artist that ever lived and i was so taken with the fact that he used his skill to glorify our God. in the accademia, the museum that houses David, there were many other facinating works of art, mainly from native florentine artists. every single painting or sculpture in the museum depicted either Jesus Christ, mary, or something else related to the christian faith. i was thinking the entire time how unfulfilling it would be to walk through the museum and see all of the paintings and not believe in God or in Christ. i was just in awe of how beautiful everything was and how amazing it was to see these artists using their abilities to attempt to capture Christ, to capture everything that life comes down to. today was by far my favorite day in florence. i could have stayed in the accademia all day! it was just amazing! (and no, i don't have a picture...the camera nazi's scared me too much!)

i know i could write forever about how ministry has been going, but i'm just going to write about 2 of my friends...

cosimo--i talked about cosimo in my last post, and since then, we have gotten to hang out with him a couple times. the first time, we met him for lunch in the mensa and stayed there talking for a couple hours. then, we went to a cafè and had some tea and stayed there talking until about 4. we talked about absolutely everything...his family, where he grew up, politics, university life, the catholic church, his beliefs...everything. then, at 4, it was time for us to go back to campus pray, so we told cosimo and asked him if he wanted to come with us. surprisingly to us, he agreed, so we went back to campus and went through our prayer sheet with him, looking up and talking about all of the scriptures. it was so neat to hear what he thought about the scriptures we read. basically, that day, we hung out with him for about 5 hours and just talked about everything. at the end of the day, we thought he might be a believer because he would agree with everything we said, but he hadn't really gotten him to spell out what he believed for us. we got to hang out with him again on thursday night. my friend sam and i went to dinner with him...funny story, while we were at dinner, he told us that he was going to the bathroom and actually went and paid for the whole check...he is awesome. after dinner, we all came back and hung out at the hotel and almost immediately started talking about spiritual things. we got to lay out the gospel for him and talked really in depth about what that means. he told us that he believes everything we said, but, like most catholics, thinks that it is prideful to say that you know for sure that you are going to heaven. it was clear that this had been engrained in his head for a long time, because no matter what scripture we told him, he would say that he agrees, but that he just can't be absolutely sure and that on the last day, God will judge him and tell him whether or not he gets to go to heaven. we sat there talking until 1am and i could tell that he wanted so badly to be sure. the conversation was amazing and i think God is definitely working in his heart. please please pray that cosimo's world would be turned upside-down with the assurance of salvation that comes with faith in Jesus. he is one of the greatest people i think i've ever met and i want so badly for him to know the Lord in the perfect and amazing way that we do. please continue to pray for his clarification and certainty in salvation!

gisella--this is a girl that i met early last week on campus. i went through our survey with her, and then we just started talking about everything else. she told me that she was very religious and a very devout catholic. the biggest difference between the catholic church and the protestant church that i have found here, is that the catholic church is teaching people that they cannot be sure of their salvation. just like cosimo, gisella would not tell me that she is 100% sure that she gets to go to heaven, even though she told me that she believes in Christ and professes him as savior. i got to go through the 4 spiritual laws of the gospel with her and we talked about some very specific verses that point to our assurance of faith, but we didn't really get anywhere. i got to hang out with her again on thursday, but we just talked about random things and just had some fun because i felt like i laid it on pretty thick the first time we talked. please pray that we get to meet again before i leave and that she too, would have confidence in the cross and the saving power of the blood of Christ. pray that the Lord would bang them over the head with the truth that it is by grace alone that we are saved! not by our own works or merit! almost everyone i have talked to cannot say this confidently. i just pray that God will overturn their previous notions and fill them with his truth! gisella invited me to her house so she can cook for me, so please pray that we get to talk about this again!

thank you all so much for praying for my while i am here in florence. ministry is definitely very hard. most italians have hard hearts to God and blinded eyes. pray for the veil of unbelief to be lifted and that they would be able to see the love and grace that God offers freely through Jesus. i would venture to say that italy is one of the most lost nations (in the sense that they have the least believers in Christ) in the entire world. praise God that he sent me here...please continue to pray for the precious souls of italy.

we have one week left of ministry and we need divine endurance. pray for my team and a strong finish. we leave for debriefing in cinque terre next monday, and i know everyone is excited about it, but we have much to do before then (or should i say, God has much to do before then!) thank you all again. your support means the world to me!

ti amo! ciao!

xoxo hayley

a need for the gospel

2008-06-01T10:18:00.004-05:00

ciao tutti! (aka hello everyone!)

i hope this post is finding everyone well. i cannot believe i have been gone for 2 weeks already! the time has absolutely flown by! i am missing everyone back in the states, but i am having the time of my life right now. i mean, i live in florence, italy...really? it's funny because we are all still saying stuff like that. none of us have actually grasped the idea that we live in a foreign country. i wish i could show you all pictures right now of this place...you would absolutely die. i know it should be sinking in by this point, but i still walk through our little cobblestone streets everyday and praise the lord for giving me this opportunity.

i think that is one of the biggest things i've learned thus far...the lord loves to bless us. we are to live our lives for him, but it is not all sacrifice my friends! i really believe that the lord truly loves to bless his children, and i am experiencing that like crazy right now. not only do i feel completely blessed, but i feel the lord's provision here more than i ever have before. he has provided for me in unimaginable ways, even before i ask him. he is so good.

for the rest of this post, i'm going to describe some of my new friends and ask you to pray for them specifically by name...

julia--this is a girl that i met on my second day of ministry. i talked to her by myself for a long time (as she rolled her own cigarettes...i know smoking is bad for you, but you have to admit, that's pretty cool...haha). we start our "initiations" by telling the students that we are on a cultural exchange, and asking them if we can ask them a few questions about their culture. i started asking julia the questions, about the importance of italian food, family, the influence of the roman catholic church, and what italian students think about god and spirituality. she was very quick to answer all of my questions and flat out told me she didn't believe in god, because she there were so many other things for her to fill her time with. i did get her phone number though, and we are supposed to hang out next week. please pray for a sweet time together, and that she would be able to see her need for christ.

carlo--this is a guy that the agape staff has known for a while, but they haven't seen him at bible studies or anything in about 6 months. please pray for a renewed curiousity about the bible, and a desire to start attending again.

costanza, giovanni, angela, sara, and giacomo--these students were in a big group that my teammate adam and i talked to. we went through the survey with them, and all of them were very helpful and loved talking to us about their culture. giacomo told me that he didn't believe in god because he didn't see the need to. please pray that this belief would be thrown out the window and the lord would rock his world. the others didn't go very deep into their own spiritual beliefs, but we've seen them a coupld times on campus, so please pray that we would get to hang out with them some more and build stronger relationships with them.

nadia--my teammate thecla and i met nadia on wednesday when we went to the liberal arts campus (whoop!) in the center of the city. we were going through our survey with a group of students and she seemed very opinionated about most of the questions. when the other students left, we continued talking to her about what she thought about god. she said that she thought their might be a god but that she wasn't really sure. i asked her what she thought about after-life, heaven and hell, and she said that she didn't really know about that either. so i asked her, if they do exists, how do you think someone gets to either of them. she said that she thought that by being a good person and doing good things for other people, that you would go to heaven. so i asked her, and this might not have been the best thing but i did anyway, but i asked her what she would say if i told her that i thought no one was good enough on their own to go to heaven. she said, "well i would tell you you are wrong." awesome...this conversation is going so well...(definite sarcasm, please don't be confused). then i asked her if i could explain. she said of course, because all italians are very welcoming and respectful of other people's opinions. so then, i got to lay out the gospel for her! i think it might have been the first time that i have actually done that. it was really great. the conversation didn't really go anywhere after that, but she said that she is usually at that campus, so i hope i see her again. please pray that the seeds i planted would spark a ravishing curiosity about the truth of the gospel!!!!

cosomo--this is another guy that adam and i met. we went through the survey with him and found out that he is catholic. you may not think so, but there aren't as many students that claim to be catholic, because faith in general, is pretty lost on their generation. from our conversation, we are pretty sure that he is a believer, and cannot wait to catch up with him. we got his number too, and are going to meet up with him soon! this is so exciting because the agape staff has been praying to find italian believers to one day take over their ministry so it will be entirely italian-run. please pray for this opportunity for discipleship and confirmation of his belief.

there have been other students that i have met, but these are just a few of the conversations that have been completely changing my view of the italian people and the need for the gospel over here! please partner with me in praying for the salvation of all of these students and a revival in faith here in florence. thank you so much for your continued support and prayer. i love you all!

ciao!

first day of ministry!

2008-05-26T15:43:00.003-05:00

ciao amici! oh my, was today a long day! i am so excited though, because we started our ministry today. we started the day with a meeting at the office. the ministry here is called 'agape italia'...that is what the students know the team as. so we met at the agape office at 10am and had a small bible study before we began our day. gary, the director of the agape team, took us through 2 samuel 9, and it was awesome. we are so blessed to have such a wise man of the lord leading our entire team. then, we went over some administrative stuff and left for the campuses! my team is split into 2 groups and each group goes to a different campus. the two campuses are novelli, which is business, law, and social sciences, and morgani, which is engineering and medicine. my campus is novelli. we got there around 12:30 and ate lunch at the mensa (the cafeteria). my group paired off and went to sit next to some students! we sat down at a table with kelly, one of the agape permanent staff girls, and immediately, a guy named carlo came and set next to us. he knew kelly because he had been to a few agape events. we talked to him forever in his broken english...it was aweome. i asked if we could speak in italian and he said no because he wanted to practice his english...it made me sad, but obviously, i agreed. then, we went and got a caffè and sat down and here comes carlo again...still yaking away! he was great though...he told us some jokes that made absolutely no sense at all, but that he thought were hilarious, so of course, theresa and i laughed along with him. he went to go study in the library, so we went up to a room where there were some more people studying to see if we could find some to talk to.

our preface for our ministry is that we are on a cultural exchange trying to learn about italian culture, language, and college students' views on life and spirituality. we have a survey that we go through with people we meet that starts off with surface questions and then get more spiritually oriented, in hopes that it will lead into an opportunity to share the gospel. we met with 2 groups of girls that were really receptive to what we had to say and gave great answers to our questions. there names are simona, silvia, althies, and sara. PLEASE PRAY FOR THEM!!! none of them are believers, and in fact, simona flat out told me that she didn't believe in God, but they were so open to listening to us and responding to the survey, that i was so encouraged. we invited them to our english class that we are having tomorrow, so i hope they come! please be praying for them continually! we didn't get to go much deeper than the survey questions, but the lord really opened my eyes to what ministry is like in italy, and gave me so much more confidence to approach students in the future. the biggest thing i learned today is that i need to be praying for sensitivity to the holy spirit, so i would know how to approach, what to say, how far to push, and when to back off. PLEASE PRAY FOR THIS TOO!!! even though i didn't outright share the gospel with anyone today, i am so encouraged by their willingness to hear and feel so empowered by the strength of my lord. i am so not alone in this...in fact, this isn't me at all. please pray that i would remember this. that is going to be it for now, but i love you all so much and i am so thankful for all of you and your prayers! please don't stop! pray without ceasing!

also, please be praying specifically for my team...here are their names:

stephanie
katherine
hayleah
rachel
thecla
ally
ashlee
theresa
samantha
kim
jessica
me :)
matt
adam
jonathan
kevin
chase
toby and jessica (our leaders)

thanks so much...love you!

ci vediamo! ciao tutti!

ciao di firenze!!!!!

2008-05-24T16:14:00.002-05:00

ahhhh! i'm in florence!!! this is so crazy...i really can't even believe that i'm here. it is saturday night here and i've been here since wednesday. i'm already in love. since i am not able to get to an internet cafè every day, i decided that i would just journal everyday and share some of my entries with you. so here goes...i guess i'll put in a few days worth here...

tuesday 5/20

well today we left for italy! i'm on the airplane right now flying from dallas to frankfurt, germany. i still can't believe i am actually getting to go on this trip. i'm hoping that it will be everything i have been hoping it would be. i actually don't even know what my expectations are. i hope that it is as beautiful as i have always imagined. i just envision myself sitting in a little cafè, sipping tea and watching everyone walk through the piazza. the last couple of days have been really great. i spent two days at a hotel in dallas at a briefing for the trip. we had some members of the campus crusade staff give some short talks about how to be a team and serve the lord together this summer. they talked about their vision for our summers and how they have described it as the 4 "L's": love the lord, love your team, learn a culture, and launch a movement. i would ask you all to pray that the lord would challenge me this summer to lean to love him in new ways. i want to come away from italy with a whole new perspective. i want to fall in love with my jesus all over again. i really want to love my6 team well this summer too. my goal, and please pray for this too, is to find out how each person on my team feels and accepts love, and really try to pursue them in that way. pray that i would be bold enough to ask everyone directly how they accept love and be able to discern by watching them on a daily basis, what that is. i just want to be a servant this summer and i am praying that the lord would teach me how to do that. also pray that the lord would show me how to specifically share the gospel with the students this summer. today i was feeling especially discouraged about my ability to present the gospel effectively this summer, so i prayed that the lord would give me strength and just use his holy spirit to speak through me. so...he answered that pretty quickly! while i was sitting in the computer room at the hotel, a guy came in and sat down at the computer next to me and started talking to me. he was asking me why i was at the hotel and i told him about our briefing for our mission trip. he said, "oh, so you are a christian?" i told him i was and it turns out that he was jewish, and in dallas on business from l.a. we got to talking more and he asked me a ton of questions about christianity and i got to share the truth of the gospel with him! on the same day that i prayed for strength, the lord gave me a blatant opportunity to practice. praise god. he is so sovereign. i am so blessed.

wednesday 5/21

we arrived in italy today!!! i am so happy we are finally here! thank you all for praying for our safe travel. we landed around 5pm and were picked up by the crusade staff that serves here in florence, and they took us to our hotel. we are staying at the hotel margaret near the center of town. it is so cute and exactly how i thought it would look. i have the best view ever! i stood out there for a while today and played fetch with the neighbor's dog, mattiè. tonight, the permanent staff and the stinters took us to a nice dinner at a restaurant called za-za's. my first taste of real authentic italian food was fantastic! i had ravioli with a creamy walnut sauce that is apparently famous in florence....oh my gosh, it was amazing. on our way home, we stopped and got our first gelato! also amazing. i ordered mine in italian and felt so cool. please pray that my italian gets a lot better while i'm here! that's about it for tonight! buona notte!

thursday 5/22

9am: please pray that the lord would give me and my team the kind of urgency for the gospel that the 1st century church had. pray that i would be like peter, who was so eager to follow the lord's commands and have prophesy fulfilled. i love that the lord gave him such a zeal and an eagerness to be counted among the faithful. please pray that the lord would give be the same heart.
1am: wow! today was such an amazing day! the lord has given me so much joy! i cannot believe that i get to experience something like this. today, we learned how to take the bus, go to the grocery store, and we got our cards to eat in the cafeteria on campus. i got to use more italian today too! please pray that i would understand more and have more courage to use what i know! after lunch today, we went on a scavenger hunt and got to see all of the city. we saw all the piazzas and the other landmarks. my favorite by far has been the piazza di michelangelo. we hiked up to the top and could see the entire city. it was absolutely breathtaking. then, later tonight, one of the guys on my team played his guitar and we did some worship on the steps of the santa maria novella chiesa (church)...oh my goodness! i got to praise jesus in florence, italy, and the foot of an amazingly beautiful church. it was so cool.

saturday 5/24

i'm not going to write a lot today because i think you get the idea. this place is amazing and i am in awe of its beauty. i am so thankful to be here and i hope you keep praying for me. we start our ministry on monday! please pray for "hearers" of the gospel...that is what we want right now...people willing to listen. that is all for now. i love you all. buona notte!

arrivaderci!

finally

2008-05-18T22:31:00.002-05:00

hello sweet friends...

i'm am so sorry that i have been slacking so badly with my blog. so much has happened in my life in the past 2 weeks that i was a bit hesitant about blogging because i didn't know if i would be able to convey all of my emotions through my post. so once again, sorry about that! to bring everyone up to date, in the past 2 weeks, i took my last undergrad final, graduated from texas a&m university, moved out of the place i've called home for the last 3 years and back to my parents' house, and now, finally, after many months, i am in dallas at my summer project briefing....whew!

i absolutely cannot believe that i'm here. it seems like it was literally just yesterday that i found out that i had been accepted to the project and started raising support. on that note, PRAISE THE LORD! as of yesterday, the lord provided all of my support. $6170.00!!! thank you so much to everyone that has made this trip possible and has partnered with me in spreading the gospel to italian college students! you do not even know how much you've blessed me and how much of an impact you are going to have on the people i am going to meet! like i said before, i am in dallas for my briefing. i got here last night and we had meetings all day today and then more tomorrow...and then guess what?...i'm flying to italy on tuesday!!!!!!!!! i am beyond excited. i know that the lord has some amazing things planned for me and that i am going to be challenged way beyond my own strength, but i am confident that this is his will for my life right now and i am trying to step out in faith and follow him.

so that's where i'm at right now. briefing has been great so far. it has been so wonderful to finally meet everyone on my team...there are 18 of us! woohoo! i'm actually a minority being from texas...almost half of my team is coming from louisiana! i'm so excited to get to know everyone better though and serve with them this summer. i know god has placed each one of us on this team for a particular reason, and i just can't wait to see what that is!!! i guess my overall emotion right now would be one of excitement. i'm just in awe of the lord's sovereignty and his goodness. our god is so faithful.

look forward to many more posts! thanks for reading! i love you all!

pace!

a short one...

2008-04-14T01:11:00.002-05:00

i graduate from college in less than 4 weeks. really? i do?

i absolutely cannot believe that it is already time for me to graduate. i have been here for 4 years and my time is almost over. can i say that i'm ready though? is it alright to admit that i'm a bit tired of school? don't get me wrong, i have loved my experience here, but my senioritis is definitely kicking in. and by senioritis, i mean, complete and total lack of motivation. wow.

basically that was a fancy way of saying that i would rather post on my blog than write my paper. i'm awesome.

pace amici!

who knew?

2008-04-12T23:26:00.005-05:00

so i started writing this thinking that it was going to be a funny post, but the lord has laid some things on my heart lately that i just really feel like i need to share.

i was reminded of something tonight that i too often forget. my purpose on this earth is to glorify my father in heaven. how do i do that? what does that look like? is it primarily telling people about christ? is it singing worship songs? is it doing community service? is it doing all the right things and making good decisions? actually, no. it's not. the way i give my king glory is by loving people. all of those things that i listed are not bad at all. in fact, they are pretty great things, but the one thing that encompasses all of those is loving people. i am called to love my god and love other people. out of this action, all the others flow.

i've also realized that i don't do this very well. i get so caught up in what is going on in my life and the so-called track that i'm on, that i forget that this life isn't all about me. it's actually not about me at all. if i'm living my life for me, then i'm living a wasted life. i am praying that the lord would show me what it means to live a selfless life. i am praying that he would give me a burning desire to put others interests before my own. i hope that you will pray for me too. i know that my time in italy will prove to be one of the most challenging experiences of my life, but i hope to be able to say when i return, that i loved those people. i've been thinking about the italian people a lot, and i think the lord has given me some insight as to why he is sending me to them. i think our team is going to show them love. italy is no stranger to religion. the roman catholic church has one of the largest followings in the world. but with all their religion, i think they are missing love. and without love, how can you have religion? it turns into a set of rules that you follow to make yourself feel better. this couldn't be farther from the truth of the gospel of jesus christ. god is love! i pray that you will partner with me in prayer, that god would teach me how to love. what does it look like to daily put others before myself and genuinely love them? i want to have a genuine concern for others just like jesus did. i cannot explain how vital this is to my mission to win the italian people to christ. i can talk as much as i want about jesus, but if i don't have love, all i have are words. and words without love are empty.

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. We know that we live in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother." -1 John 4:7-21

pray that i would really learn to love. thank you for loving me. you are such a blessing. buona notte amici. vi voglio bene!

a new family

2008-03-24T20:47:00.003-05:00

buona sera amici! okay, i don't think i even know where to start with this one! so much has happened in the last few days and the lord has been handing out some major blessings! i guess i'll start by saying that i am completely overwhelmed with how much of a blessing my family is. since this weekend was easter, i went home to austin to see everyone. for those of you that don't know me well, i have a rather large extended family. we all got together on sunday and ate lots of great food and just got to hang out and talk. normally these family functions are a bit stressful because there is always some inevitable arguing of some kind, or someone is sick, or we've just seen each other and it's a bit too soon for another gathering, but this one felt a little different. i have been really fortunate in the last couple months to hang out with my cousins outside of "official family time" and it has been really great. i know that the lord is working in my relationship with one of them specifically, and i am praying that she comes to know him intimately soon! also, i don't have a lot of friends back home, so whenever i do go home, it's all about the family--which i love! there are five of us, my parents, me, my sister leah (18) and my brother bryan (15). we cooked together, watched movies together, worked out together, and just loved each other. i could not have asked the lord for a better support system or place to come home to. i love them all very much and this weekend was fantastic.

yes, fantastic...for a few reasons actually. another is that once again, at the peak of my doubt, the lord provided enough support for italy to meet my sunday goal of $1000. praise god. i cannot even explain how much he is blowing my mind through this support raising. i have been struggling with not thinking that the money is going to come in time and basically just being stupid, and he has overcome all of that doubt...every single time! i am being so blessed by my supporters and i can't tell you how thankful i am to have you partnering with me in this experience.

and yet another blessing...i recently joined the facebook group for the summer project and have gotten to see some faces of the people i will be ministering with this summer. i'm so excited because they all look awesome. yay! and, i have a name twin. how tight...shout out to hayleah!

pace cane! (look it up :)

oh change, how sneaky you are!

2008-03-17T23:53:00.018-05:00

buona notte! (or 'giorno' depending on when you are reading this) i hope everyone is doing well! i apologize for not being consistent in my posting, but school seems to get the best of me most of the time. well, i thought i'd update you all on italy stuff, and just life in general.

i am now back in college station after a very long spring break. some lovely friends of mine and i went up to the lake of the ozarks and stayed at a family friend's lakehouse for a few days. we basically danced and ate the whole time. then we went to st. louis for a day and did very touristy things...we went to the arch and had dinner on the hill, a cute little italy-esque community in st. louis. we were there the majority of spring break and had a fantastic time. here is a picture of the group that went:

also over spring break, i made a major life decision. i found out that i have been accepted to three grad schools, and i have officially decided to go to texas state. this means that i will be living in austin after i graduate. i am very excited about living in austin again, but it's going to be weird living there on my own and not at my parents' house. i'm looking forward to being so close to everyone too. the other schools i applied to were all out of state, so i would not have been able to see everyone as often as i'm going to be able to now. yay! i know the fam is excited about that too. i've been looking at apartments and i might have found a roommate...if that works out, it would be amazing, so please be praying for that!

i sent out the first round of support letters last week as well. i sent them on tuesday from missouri, so hopefully you will all be getting them soon! if you haven't, you are probably further down in the alphabet, in which case, you will get yours next week. i'm very excited about this because it is a huge step in the preparation process for my trip. the letter is personally written and it explains the trip and how you all can be supporting me. if you haven't gotten a letter in the next couple of weeks, and you want one, please let me know! it is probably because i don't have your address!

support raising is going well. i am learning a whole lot about patience and submission to the lord. it is definitely hard for me to let go of my naturally demanding personality, but the lord has been blessing me with extreme calmness of heart when it comes to raising enough money. it is amazing that i can even say this because the thought of raising $5000 was daunting originally. the most high is my provider though, so i am comforted.

here are some more pictures from spring break!

me, chelsea and toni in the car

the lakehouse!

imo's is the best pizza ever!

beautiful view in the neighborhood

toni, me and amanda on a walk

group picture :)

the arch

jumping picture!

that's it for now friends...love you all.

unworthy

2008-02-24T20:15:00.004-06:00

well i decided to start a blog, obviously. you are reading my first attempt at "blogging," as they say. my mom will now have something else to entertain her while my dad and brother lose brain cells playing call of duty. (i tried to learn how to play...i fell asleep.) so here i am. some of you might not know this, but i am going to florence, italy this summer for 7 weeks with campus crusade for christ. my goal for this summer is to share the truth of the gospel of christ with italian college students. what an opportunity. that is, in fact, the reason for this blog.

i don't really know what i want the purpose of this blog to be. my hope is that i will be able to share what the lord is teaching me through the process of raising support for the trip, what i learn and how he blesses me while i am on the trip (yes, i will be updating frequently!), and everything that comes afterward. i honestly don't know who will read this or if anyone but my mom actually will, but i know that the lord has much in store for me and i know it should be shared. thus, the blog is formed. :)

right now i am in the beginning stages of raising support. this just means that i am prayerfully waiting for the lord to provide the necessary finances. this trip costs roughly $5000 to participate in and at this moment, i have $360. as this may seem like nothing at all compared to my final goal, i have already been amazed at my insufficient confidence in our sovereign lord. here's a little story...

about 3 weeks ago i found out that i was officially invited to participate in the trip. i got a packet with the information about the different support goals, basically when certain amounts of money need to be turned in. my first support goal was $200 and it was due by february 19th. now, i have been praying about the opportunity to go on this trip for a very long time, including praying that the lord would provide the money to go. however, when i found out that the first support goal was so soon, i got a little freaked out. i lost my confidence and fell into the oh-so-easy temptation of doubting what my god can do. so one day about 2 weeks ago, this particular struggle seemed to be more intense than it had initially. so i prayed. i've learned in the past few years the magnitude of the power of prayer and how most of the time, it's the only thing i know how to do. so i did. i prayed that the lord would help my unbelief, my unbelief in his sovereignty over my circumstances and his ability to overcome my insufficiencies. literally 15 minutes later i got a message from a friend asking me to come by a little later to pick something up. i thought that it was probably a check because i had set up a facebook group a little earlier letting my friends know about my trip and explaining my need for some support. so i thought it was a check, yes, but seeing as how all of my friends are poor college students, i did not think it would be much. however much it was, though, i would be truly grateful because every amount definitely helps. well, it ended up being a check for $200. i was shocked that someone cared that much to support me in that way. he said that he wanted to pass on what the lord had blessed him with. once again, my tiny human brain was not able to comprehend the power of my amazing god. he provided my first support goal in its entirety on the same day that my doubt had reached its highest point.

amazed again by my god. my god that i cannot comprehend.

this song has blessed my heart more than i can say and it describes what i am trying to say better than i can.

[Lord these are just words
They are not enough to proclaim you
Jesus just words
They can never suffice to acclaim you

Father just words
And I have so few
I run out to fast
To speak them to you

And you are indescribable
You are beyond expression
And I run out of words for you
I can't think that high
So hear my spirit groan in me
A painful sense of urgency
To tell you that you are to me so high]

i guess this post is long enough...congrats if you made it all the way through.