filling in the cracks

so here we are. it's been a while, i must say. i was reminded today, that i indeed have a blog. that's funny that one could forget something like that. when i was reminded, i decided to read a few of my previous posts. wow. i am constantly amazed at how far you can come in mere months of growth. speaking of growth. i think i'd like to discuss something directly related to the subject...for those that follow Jesus at least. the topic of choice for tonight is accountability.

accountability. what is accountability, you ask? well lucky for you, i just so happen to be equipped with this amazing technology called the internet. the internet says that accountability is the state of being accountable, liable, or answerable. i like this. or at least i think i like this. what does it really mean to be answerable. this must be connected in the most basic way to an action...what can you be answerable for, if not something that you've done? and if you are to be answerable for something you've done, must you not be answerable to someone else? this seems to me to be the very heart of accountability: that you must tell someone what you've done. simple enough, yet so very difficult to implement.

as a follower of Jesus Christ, we are called to live a life in which the deepest parts of ourselves are exposed to the light. terrifying as it seems, it is in this vulnerable state that we allow Jesus to show us his redemption and his desire to fill in all of our cracks...even those we refuse to admit exist. we've been talking a lot recently about what accountability really looks like in the context of our lives. it can't just be a theory, or something that we consistently talk about and hash out in every way imaginable, but never actually do! so needless to say, i've experienced some "doing" lately, and let me just say, wow. how sweet it is. to be able to share all of the (for lack of a better word) crap in my life with such a good friend and have her encourage me and pray for me...it's just amazing. i feel so blessed to have a relationship in which i feel so safe. who would have thought that after experiencing some intense shame after a period of sin, i would want to tell someone. there are so many times when i want to run as fast as my awkwardly long legs will carry me away from anything that might expose my less-than-perfect parts. i guess that just speaks to how, in his amazing grace, Jesus can change my heart. he comes in when i least expect it, and overhauls my tiny mind's ability to comprehend that maybe, just maybe, what he has for me is best. i heard someone say once, that it is a cosmic impossibility for God to be any less good to me than he is right now. why is it so hard to cling to this? to really believe? Lord, help my unbelief! i'm so amazed that he continues to work in me even when i don't believe. that's a good thing too, because if it weren't true, i'm not sure he'd ever work in me!

so i guess that's it. accountability is a sweet thing. sin confession sucks, but it's so vital. it's exposing and vulnerable. it's icky. but redemption is good. i pray that you try it. i pray that you can find someone that will reciprocate. Lord, haste the day when this isn't necessary...but help us seek your way to live while it is.

buono notte i miei amici. baci!